An orgasm is defined by many as something that is best shared with someone you love.
I disagree. An orgasm is something that has a place with lovers and at times it is something that can be shared with a friend. We all need to be held. We all need to be touched and we all need intimacy, even if we are not in a relationship.
Before I dive into lovers and friends, let me tell you a small story.
I was 21 years old and had just finished working for a local restaurant for a year and was moving to live with my mother on the west coast the following day. I was good friends with several people that worked at the Pizzeria Unos with me, including a married couple named Dan and Stacey. The night before I left, they offered to let me stay at their place on this last night before I left for the three-day journey. They had an adorable four-month-old baby and they were two people that I considered very good friends.
That evening, they had given me a couple of blankets and a pillow and let me know that I could crash on the couch. Around ten that night, I found myself sitting on the couch, on a hot summer evening, talking to Dan. We were both drinking a couple of beers and chatting about life. There was a long comfortable silence as I sat and listened to the crickets outside the screened window. Finally, Dan broke the silence and asked me a question I’ll never forget. “Can I try something?”
“I don’t know, can you?” I retorted.
“This is going to be a weird question, but… would you mind if I touched your dick?”
My eyes grew wide and I took another long draw from my beer. “Why?”
“You’re just cool, we’re good friends. And I’ve never touched another guy. I just want to see what it feels like to touch another guy there.”
At the time I vaguely knew that I was bisexual but the reality of it hadn’t completely sunk in. It would be another two years later on a nude beach before I would completely be aware that I was bisexual.
I looked down at my khaki shorts I was wearing where an erection was building and looked back at Dan who was staring at it. “I suppose.” I finally replied, party because of my buzz, but partly because I too was curious what it might feel like for another guy to touch me.
I slowly pulled down my shorts and took off my shirt. I sat there in my briefs and he walked over and kneeled by the couch. He reached between my leg and underwear and pulled out my erect member, turning it over in his hand and smiling. “Can I stroke it? I promise I’m not gay. I just want to try it.”
I nodded. The truth was, I wasn’t really concerned with him being gay or straight. I would later understand that it was his own discomfort that caused him to say this.
He reached into a side table and grabbed some hand lotion, then progressed to slowly stroke me, eventually causing me to erupt. It felt strange and a bit overwhelming to cum in front of my friend and by his own hand. But I cleaned up and he thanked me and went off to bed. I always wondered if he told Stacey about it. We stopped talking after that. Perhaps it freaked him out? Perhaps our lives just moved in different directions? I don’t know.
It was the first time I ever did something sexual with a friend but it would not be the last. Over the years, the idea of having sex with a woman or a man that I was not in a relationship with became as normal as breathing. I’ve never felt used by my friends (well, maybe once or twice) and I’ve never felt violated or that I violated them. It has always been consensual. Sometimes the people have been good friends, other times they have been acquaintances. Sometimes it was even with couples or more. The sex has almost always been good, some of it has been outstanding but it has always been a physical release. Something we both needed at the time.
Along the way, I have had quite a few relationships, some with women, some with men – all of them meaningful in one way or another.
The sex that I have had with those I had relationships with was far different from that I had with friends. It was all-encompassing, passionate as if we were two people acting as one.
Was the sex better when I was with couples or was it better when I was having sex with those I was in a relationship with? The honest truth – it was just different. I’ve never experienced the same sexual experiences with friends like those I had feelings for and vice versa.
How many of you would have sex with someone you were just friends with? If you have done so, was it different? Do you feel it’s wrong to have sex with someone you don’t have feelings with?